Tom Daley: our son will always have a relationship with our surrogate 

It is a scene which any parent will remember from those hazy newborn days: existing hour to hour, the whole world revolving around the next feed, nap or nappy change. But for Daley and Black, every moment of it seems to be a pleasure and a privilege. 

This is a couple who have hurdled not just the obvious biological obstacles in order to have a family, but weathered a serious backlash for choosing to have a baby via a surrogate – both from critics of commercial surrogacy in the press, and the usual trolls rearing their heads on social media. And that’s before you consider the lengthy, difficult and often painful process which surrogacy can entail, even without public scrutiny. 

Today, giving their first ever interview together as a couple, Daley and Black – who were married at Bovey Castle in Devon in May last year – are calm, measured, and impressively empathetic when talking about the negativity directed at them. 

“I was very surprised by the reaction because so many people I know have done it,” says Black, an Oscar-winning screenwriter from California (he won his Academy award for Milk, the 2009 film starring Sean Penn as the first openly gay elected official in California), who is 20 years Daley’s senior. “In the US it was all positive, but I think that’s because it’s a different system. Laws are in place there, protections are in place, there is a better understanding, I think law can help lead to understanding.”

“Right now it’s like the Wild West in the UK,” says Daley, delivering Robbie’s bottle. “In the States, there is a legal framework, you are not allowed to do it if you need the money. The surrogate is better protected as well as the intended parents. It’s just safer for everyone.” 

Criticism from those who think couples who can’t have children naturally should adopt, or those who think surrogacy exploits vulnerable women, has come in thick and fast. How has it felt to be accused of being selfish for wanting a family? “Lots of people say, ‘why don’t you adopt?’. You wouldn’t say that to a straight couple. You wouldn’t say: ‘Why do you deserve to have a biological kid?’,” says Daley.

Friends including Elton John and David Furnish, who have been through the process themselves, encouraged them to follow their dream of having a biological child. “We’ve met Elton and David’s kids, they’re so cute and so much fun,” says Daley. “Are these kids happy? Clearly, these are very happy kids.” 

The pair elected to undertake the whole fertility process in the US – where the cost of surrogacy starts at £75,000 – because in the UK the surrogate mother is considered the baby’s legal guardian until parental rights are transferred in the family court, a process that can take up to two years.

They found an egg donor, each made a sperm donation and then faced a lengthy wait for a suitable surrogate. Finally an embryo was created – their choice was that only medical staff know whose sperm fertilised the egg – and implanted. 

Robbie was born in a hospital south of LA on June 27: “the most magical moment,” says Daley. “It filled me with this energy and rush of emotion I’ve never felt before in my whole life.”

They talk to their surrogate on the phone constantly, adamant that she will continue to be a part of their family. “She becomes such a massive part of your life for those nine months,” Daley says. “You’re only matched with people who have the same desire, some don’t want to have long-term relationships [with the parents]. We talk to ours all the time. This is a very familial process.” 

Happily nesting in their flat near the Thames in London Bridge (they have reupholstered their own rocking chair, and Black proudly talks me through the shelves he has made for the nursery) they are steadily welcoming an influx of friends and family from both sides; none of whom have been able to resist claiming Robbie’s nose or eyes as a sure sign of their own genes. 

“That’s going to continue forever and ever,” says Daley. “But one thing we’re very strongly leaning towards is that we don’t want to know. He’s ours.” Not that they will stop him seeking answers when he’s old enough to ask questions. 

“I don’t think we’ll ever hide anything from him, in fact I know we won’t,” says Black. “That’s not just our instincts, that’s listening to the advice from people born of surrogacy. They say, ‘the things that bothered me are the things I wasn’t told. The things I was told don’t bother me’.”

Very much the doting father and husband, Daley seems much older than his 24 years. It is easy to forget that he was only 14, the youngest British competitor at the 2008 Beijing Olympics, when he made diving headline news for the first time. The British public fell hard for the puppy-eyed boy from Plymouth and his devoted dad, Robert – who became a familiar figure, cheering his champion son on from poolsides around the world, before losing his battle with brain cancer in 2011.

Daley, who now has two Olympic bronze medals and four Commonwealth golds to his name, still wears the ring of the Olympic rings his parents got him after his first Games, in lieu of the tattoo he really wanted. After his bronze win at London 2012, he finally had the rings emblazoned on the inside of his right bicep. 

With fame, however, came relentless objectification – followed by speculation about his sexuality. In 2013, still mourning the loss of his father, Daley came out via a touching YouTube video, in which he announced he had been in a whirlwind romance with Black for just over six months (“a real love-at-first-sight thing,” they say of their meeting at a dinner party in LA). 

Becoming a father to Robbie, named after his grandfather, has made Daley miss his own all the more. “My dad taught me so many lessons and there’s something really special about passing them on to our little son,” he says. “The things that I used to find incredibly embarrassing about how he used to act have taught me not to care what anyone else thinks. I know that our family is built around infinite amounts of love.” 

A young dad by today’s standards – “he always likes to be the youngest at everything,” jokes Black – he was shopping for baby clothes even before they met.

“I’ve always wanted kids. It’s always been important. But I never knew what it would feel like for a little baby to stare into your eyes and just… that connection is so strong. You realise that you will literally do anything to protect him, to keep him happy, to make him feel loved.”

Since Robbie’s birth, you would forgive the couple for wanting to shun the media; on the contrary, they are gearing up to make a BBC documentary about surrogacy, determined to educate people about how it works, and have become ambassadors for Pampers as an example of a truly modern family.

“In the work I do, I’ve learned that you have to look at slights as opportunities,” says Black, who is currently working on a new teen romcom called The Statistical Probability of Love at First Sight. “That’s the way we can create progress, so that we can make sure that it doesn’t happen to other folks, gay and straight, who are having to go the extra mile to have the family they dreamed of because of health issues, infertility issues or because they’re same-sex parents.

“People have said things that I believe are ill informed, and I’d like to correct the record, but then there have been beautiful moments.”

Last week, the couple were walking Robbie’s pram along the Southbank when a Muslim woman in full hijab came up to offer her congratulations. “She said: ‘I’m so happy for you’. When people see us together as a family, they see that’s what truly matters,” says Daley, gazing at his tiny son, now snoozing peacefully in his father’s arms. 

New father, Tom Daley is the Pampers Pure Partner and UK Brand Ambassador for the launch of the new Pure Protection range made from premium cotton, responsibly sourced cellulose and plant-based materials that come from sugarcane​ - available now.