How does losing your virginity at just 13 REALLY affect you? One woman explains her deep regrets, as teachers are issued with guidance suggesting this is ‘normal’
- The Family Trust lead uproar as children are being taught sex at 13 is OK
- Information was sent out by sexual health service Brook
- Anonymous case study says sex at a young age is damaging
- She reveals, 'I was simply not emotionally mature enough to deal with a sexual relationship'
This week it was revealed that teachers are currently using training packs which suggest sex as young as 13 is ‘normal.’
The ‘traffic light tool’ which was sent out to schools up and down the country by sexual health advice service Brook also suggests that masturbation and kissing are OK between children as young as nine.
But how does losing your virginity at 13 really affect you? We spoke to one woman, who wished to remain anonymous, who said that it was one of the worst things that could ever have happened to her.
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Is 13 too young? Two teenagers kiss on the floor of a bedroom (picture staged by models)
Now an adult, she explained that as a young girl she entered into a relationship with an older teenager and it was only in later life that she realised that their sexual behavior was wrong.
She said: ‘I lost my virginity at the age of 13. At the time I had an 18-year-old boyfriend who I thought was the epitome of cool because he used to pick me up from school on his motorbike.
‘We were together, on and off, for almost three years in the end, and I always used to describe him as my first love.
‘That was, until I grew up and fell in real, adult love, and realised that all I ever had with him was a case of extreme infatuation.’
The woman - who was outraged when The Family Education Trust bought the ‘traffic light tool’ to the public’s attention - explained that the sex was planned and that she was on the pill at the time.
‘I definitely didn't have sex because all my friends were doing it, and it wasn't really a social-climbing exercise either, but I did want my boyfriend to stay with me.'
However, that didn't stop her riding an emotional roller coaster that she feels she would have been better equipped for had she not been so young.
‘When we did, inevitably, split up on numerous occasions the emotional fallout was unprecedented. I would weep for days in my room, refuse to eat and obsess over whichever girl it was that he'd dumped me for that time.
‘It was unhealthy and borderline unhinged, but then, I was only 13 years old.’
Having heard the latest news she is adamant that young children should not be taught that sex at such a young age is normal.
‘I have a 15-year-old niece now, and she's still such a child in my eyes. The idea of an older man convincing her to have sex with him makes my blood boil, and she's two whole years older than I was when I was doing just that.
‘My mum knew about what I was doing at the time and whilst I don’t blame her entirely I do wish she'd tried to reason with me, perhaps told me that I didn't need to have sex with a boy to keep him interested.'
Our case study says that having sex so young skewed the way she viewed relationships.
‘Being in an intimate relationship at such a young age definitely made me see sex in the wrong way.
‘For many years after I broke up with my first boyfriend, I didn't have much self-respect and slept with quite a few people that I wish I hadn't.
‘I was simply not emotionally mature enough to deal with a sexual relationship and, while I don't necessarily regret the person I chose to lose it with, I do 100 per cent regret doing it so soon.’
She went on to say, ‘Children should definitely NOT be taught that sex at 13 is normal. The age of consent is in place for a reason.
‘I think it would be good to be taught more about the emotional side of a sexual relationship as well as just the mechanics and scaremongering.
‘Yes, you might get an STI or even pregnant, but what about the psychological damage to your young teenage mind.
‘It's a tough enough time already without adding those woes to the list. Children should be allowed and encouraged to stay young for as long as possible – we're all growing up far too fast these days.
‘Save sex for the right person AND the right time.’
The Brook 'Traffic Light Tool' states that for children as yoiung as 13 'green behaviour' includes 'consenting oral and/or penetrative sex'
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