Jack Black Describes His 'Perfect Day' Off — Including a 'One-Wiper' Bathroom Experience (Exclusive)

Jack Black's toilet humor is still fully intact.

In this week's issue of PEOPLE, the actor-musician opens up about his voice role as reptilian villain Bowser in his new film, The Super Mario Bros. Movie, and describes — in refreshing detail — his perfect day off.

"Perfect day includes a long walk or a good frisbee session at the park. I gotta get a little cardio, gotta get the heart pumping," says Black, 53. "Obviously, a delicious meal — maybe an Indian meal, like a chicken korma with some mother-lovin' garlic naan."

He also loves to spend time with his family watching "a good movie" (or, more recently, episodes of The Last of Us), and notes that his ideal day would also include "perhaps an incredible session of lovemaking."

"And a perfect number two; a one-wiper," Black adds. "That's it. That's your perfect day."

Of whether he means a wet wipe, the Tenacious D rocker clarifies, "No, you don't need that. I'm very sensitive down there. I think the wet wipe sometimes might leave a chemical residue."

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In all seriousness, Black says spending time with his wife of 17 years, singer and cellist Tanya Haden, and their two boys — Sammy, 16, and Tommy, 14 — is what brings him the most joy.

"Spending time with the family is the best," he raves. "And it's a luxury that I rediscovered over pandemic times, because we got to hang out all the time. And now that I'm back to work on the set of a movie, I really miss them. And I'm looking forward to being done."

"But also, watching my kids grow up and realizing, 'Oh my God. They're going to move out soon. I got to enjoy this while it lasts,' " the School of Rock actor explains. "I don't like to be away from them for long periods of time. But at the same time, gotta get back to work. And that's also a pleasure. I've enjoyed working; I've enjoyed making movies again."

Speaking from the Atlanta set of his upcoming comedy Dear Santa, Black tells PEOPLE, "This is the first [live-action] movie I've made for four years. It's been four years since I was on the set of Jumanji 2."

Tanya, 51, is the daughter of the legendary late jazz bassist Charlie Haden. And asked whom he'd love to collaborate with in the future, Black names his wife without hesitation.

"She's a creative force that we haven't really done anything for a long time. And it would be fun to do something with her," he tells PEOPLE.

In the meantime, Black says signing on to play "the coolest character" in The Super Mario Bros. Movie, Bowser, was "an insta no-brainer," considering he has "always been a fan of the original Nintendo Universe" — particularly Donkey Kong in his childhood.

Asked who is the biggest gamer in the star-studded cast — which also includes Chris Pratt, Charlie Day, Anya Taylor-Joy, Seth Rogen, Keegan-Michael Key and more — Black says he's "a gamer to the core" but might be outdone by another in particular.

"Chris Pratt, no slouch. He plays a lot. And he has an encyclopedic knowledge of the Nintendo universe. I was impressed," the Holiday actor says. "But yeah, I think me and Chris have the gamer trophies."

Black tells PEOPLE that Pratt, 43, also taught him "a thing or two about Princess Peach," who is voiced in the new movie by Taylor-Joy, 26.

"I thought it was always Princess Peach. And he was like, 'No, it was just Princess until several games later,' " Black shares. "And I was like, 'Oh, gosh. You're right. Whoops.' "

As for the project Black is most proud of in his own career so far?

"In a weird way, it might be Tenacious D in the Pick of Destiny, because that's the only movie that I wrote," he says of the 2006 musical comedy he also starred in alongside Tenacious D bandmate Kyle Gass, which featured many elements inspired by their real-life journey as a band.

"So, that one is actually my real baby. Maybe it's not the best, but it is my proudest," Black adds.

The Super Mario Bros. Movie is in theaters now.

For more from Jack Black, pick up the latest issue of PEOPLE, on newsstands Friday.