DIABOLIK LOVERS LIMITED V EDITION Tokuten Drama CD “Brothers Complex ~To You Inside the Coffin~”
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Original title: ブラザーズコンプレックス～棺桶の中の君へ～
Source: DIABOLIK LOVERS LIMITED V EDITION Tokuten Drama CD [CD not owned by me]
Audio: Here
Seiyuu: Toriumi Kousuke, Katsuyuki Konishi, Midorikawa Hikaru, Kaji Yuki, Hirakawa Daisuke & Takashi Kondou
Translator’s note: Aah, the good old early era drama CDs with the cheesy sound effects, how I’ve missed you. uwu These kind of ridiculous tokuten CDs are honestly my favorite, especially the ones with the Sakamaki brothers because it portrays their relationship from a completely different angle. Poor Subaru really got the short end of the stick in this one. xD That being said, it was highly entertaining to listen to the others trying to lure him out of his beloved coffin.  

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Shuu: …Oi, Reiji.

Reiji: Oh dear? Well this is new. For you to start talking to me.

Shuu: I’m looking for Subaru. …Do you know where he is?

Reiji: I do not. Or rather, what made you think I would be aware of Subaru’s whereabouts? Last time I checked, it was not my duty to watch over him.

Shuu: Ugh…Whatever then.

Laito walks up to them.

Laito: What’s wrong with Subaru-kun? Are his anger tantrums causing trouble again?

Shuu: Laito. Have you seen him around perhaps?

Laito: I haven’t~ Bitch-chan’s location is the only one I have pinpointed. Actually, why are you looking for him, Shuu? That isn’t something you see every day.

Shuu: …The Old Man.

Reiji: Hm? Father?

Shuu: He sent a message through one of the Familiars earlier, asking me to put a rope around his neck and bring him over.

Laito: On a rope…Which means…?

Shuu: Haah…I can only assumed he did something real bad.

Reiji: In that case, we have to find Subaru right away and turn him in.

Shuu: Yeah. If we fail to do so, we’ll all have to share the blame. Shit…What a drag.

Laito: Seems like that guy is done with the North Pole…I wonder where he’d send us next? He might even move on to outer space!

Ayato and Kanato run up to them.

Ayato: …The fuck!?

Kanato: Exactly! Under no cirumstances am I leaving Earth!

Shuu: If you don’t want that, then you two should help us look for Subaru too.

Ayato: Shuu! In that case, I’ve got a genius plan! …Oi, Chichinashi! Come here!

Ayato pulls you over.

*Rustle*

Shuu: And what exactly do we need that woman for? 

Kanato: Ah! That really is genius! Fufu…We can simply have her call for him, right? 

Ayato: Exactly! For some reason, Subaru’s got a huge soft spot for her. Hehe.

Laito: Nfu~ Good point. Although he keeps on denying it himself. 

Reiji: I see. That might be the quickest, most convenient way to go about this. You will obviously help us out, no?

Shuu: Well, ‘no’ was never an answer anyway. This is an order.

*TIMESKIP*

You are all walking through the manor.

*Thud*

Ayato: …That damn Subaru won’t show himself, huh? …Chichinashi, you’ve gotta call for him a lil’ louder!

You continue calling for Subaru.

Reiji: Hm…This is odd. Why has he not appeared after she called for him so many times? Good grief…Even during these times, you prove to be utterly useless.

You frown.

Shuu: I assume he realizes he’s in trouble himself.

Ayato: Whatcha mean?

Laito: Nfu~ That he doesn’t want to show his face, because he knows that guy’s out for his head.

Ayato: Ah, I see. 

Kanato: I won’t let that happen! I will find Subaru no matter what! If not…!

Shuu: …You must really not want to go to outer space, huh? Honestly, if I had to choose, I’d say it’s preferable over the North Pole since I could get a nice, quiet sleep.

Reiji: Please do not compare a rock with a hard place. Furthermore, not all of us are as shameless as you are, capable of sleeping nearly everywhere. Both the North Pole and outer space are simply out of question.

Ayato: Anyway, have you looked there yet?

Kanato: There…!?

Ayato: His coffin. That’d be the first place he’d retreat to, right?

Shuu: Well, that’s ture, but do you really think he’d choose such an obvious hiding space?

Laito: But well, they say that the obvious things are the easiest to overlook, right? (1) Also, I’m sure it’s the easiest place to hide for Subaru-kun.

Kanato: You do have a point. It wouldn’t be easy to drag him out of there either.

Reiji: I see. Those are very sound opinions coming from Kanato and Laito. Well then, let us go take a look at Subaru’s coffin.

They walk towards Subaru’s room.

Reiji: …Subaru! Subaru!! Are you in there?

*Thud thud thud*

Shuu: …Seems like he isn’t.

Kanato: Kuh…Let’s wait just a little longer. With a coffin this large, it wouldn’t be impossible for him to completely conceal his presence. 

Ayato: You’re really desperate, huh?

Kanato: Ugh…Shut up! There’s no way I am going to space! I mean…That place is home to creatures which have multiple legs…!

Shuu: …Hah?

Kanato: Uu…They appeared in a story I read…as a child…Uu…Uu…

Laito: Nfu~ Kanato-kun, those creatures obviously don’t exist. No need to be soーー

Kanato: You’re lying!! Ugh!! 

*Swoosh*

Ayato: …!! Oi, Kanato. What are you trying to accomplish by shaking that broomstick around?

Kanato: …This!!

Kanato starts hitting the coffin with the broomstick.

*THUD*

Shuu: Ugh…It’s loud.

Kanato: It has to be, otherwise Subaru won’t hear it, right!?

*THUD*

Kanato: Ugh…Ugh…!!

*THUD THUD*

Subaru: …Shut up! Stop hittin’!

Ayato: …!! He’s really in there!

Kanato: See? I knew it! I wasn’t wrong…!!

*THUD*

Subaru: Cut it out! It’s makin’ my head throb!

Reiji: In that case, why don’t you try stepping outside?

Subaru: …Hmph! In your dreams! …You’re all gonna sell me off to that Old Fart, aren’t you!? I’m not settin’ one foot out of this coffin! I’d rather just die in here!

Ayato: …Annoyin’…Oi, Kanato! Gimme that broomstick.

*Thud*

Ayato: Come out…!!

*THUD*

Subaru: …Hah! It’s no use.

Ayato: Che…This is a damn pain in the ass…Ah? Whatcha say, Chichinashi? It’s useless? Then what should we do, aah!? 

Laito: Hmm~ We’re in a pinch. I doubt he’ll come out unless it’s an absolute state of emergency.

Shuu: If we can’t use force, we’ll just have to bait him out instead. Haah…

Ayato: Bait? Whatcha mean? 

Shuu: Well…I said that, but I don’t know what that guy likes. Oi, do you know what Subaru’s favorite food is?

You shake your head.

Shuu: …Ah? He said he doesn’t have one? Haah…

Ayato: Ah! I just thought of a great idea!

Reiji: Do you have a suggestion?

Ayato: Oi, Chichinashi. Lend me your ear for a bit!

You seem hesitant.

Ayato: Come on, hurry!

*Rustle*

Ayato: So…And then…There you have it! Understood? Then hurry up and go get it!

You run off. 

Laito: Ayato-kun, what’s the plan?

Ayato: I remembered the perfect thing to lure Subaru out of his coffin. I’m sure this’ll work!

Reiji: Good grief…I doubt it is anything decent, but without any other options, let us just quietly wait for her return. 

*TIMESKIP*

*Sizzle sizzle*

Ayato: …How’s that!? This is the best smell in the world!

Kanato: …It’s takoyaki.

Ayato: Yeah! I doubt anyone can resist this scent! Come on, Chichinashi! Those ones are lookin’ good! Flip them over!

*Sizzle sizzle*

Shuu: You really think Subaru will come out for some takoyaki?

Ayato: Haah? …Oi, Shuu? You makin’ fun of Takoyaki or somethin’?

Shuu: Hah. It’s just junk food, right?

Ayato: Aah!? Who do you think you are!? What gives you the right to talk badly of Takoyaki like that!?

Subaru: …Oi! Shut the fuck up! Also, it reeks in here! You really think this smell will lure me out?

Ayato: Aah!?

Laito: Nfu~ So it didn’t work after all. It’s Takoyaki after all.

Subaru: Can you guys fuckin’ leave already? You’re annoyin’!

Kanato: Uu… (sobs) Hic…It’s easy for you to say…that…But…We can’t back down…!!!

Ayato: Ah-aah, here comes the usual hysteria.

Kanato: Say, Teddy? What do you think we should do? …Ah! How about setting his coffin on fire? I’m sure even Subaru will come out when he’s at risk of getting cooked alive!

*Rustle*

Kanato: Eh…? Why do you stop me…? Hey! I thought…I was the only one you need!? Uu…Hic…Ugh…

Laito: Kanato-kun. I don’t mind cooking Subaru-kun alive, but if you were to set fire to the coffin, this whole manor will burn down. If so, I’m pretty sure we’ll all get send straight to space before we even drag Subaru out.

Kanato: …!! Then what should we do…!? Teddy…I don’t want to go to space…What do you think I should do?

Ayato: *nom nom* …Say!

Reiji: Yes? Could you not talk while your mouth’s full? In the end, you finished all of earlier’s takoyaki.

Ayato: It’d be a shame to let them go to waste! Anyway…*nom nom* …That teddy Kanato is always carrying ‘round…

Shuu: What about it?

Ayato: He talks to it all the time, but Teddy isn’t actually alive, right? 

Kanato: Ayato;..Do you have a death wish? Teddy is obviously alive!

Ayato: …Haah?

Laito: Stop, time out! Now’s not the time for another sibling quarrel, is it? Besides, I just remembered something useful~ Nfu~ …I’m pretty sure this’ll make Subaru-kun feel so embarrassed, he’ll step out of his coffin. 

Reiij: Oh? And what’s the plan?

Laito: Nfu~ …Subaru-kuuuun~ You better come out soon, or I’m going to search your room and show Bitch-chan all of your hidden ‘goodies’ you’ve been hiding~

Ayato: …So what are these hidden goodies exactly?

Kanato: Beats me. How should I know?

Laito: Come oooon~ Are you sure about this~? Subaru-kuuuuun~?

Subaru: Fuck off! Do whatever you want! Unlike you, I’ve got no weird shit to hide, you damn pervert!

Reiji: Laito…You really are hopeless, aren’t you?

Laito: Eeeeh~? That’s odd. I was convinced he’d have at least something laying around…

Shuu: Haah…Guess we’re down to our final move. …Oi, you.

You turn your head.

Shuu: Yeah, I’m talking to you. Come here.

Shuu grabs hold of you.

*Rustle*

Reiji: Shuu. What are you doing?

Shuu: Nothing, really. I was just a little thirsty, so…I figured I’d have a sip of her blood.

He leans in.

Shuu: Say, you don’t mind, right? I’m sure you were yearning for it as well…Did you want my fangs? Or maybe those of one of these other guys? Hahaha…

Kanato: …What are you doing all of a sudden?

Laito: Aah~ …Fufu~ Nice thinking, Shuu. I’m down with this plan too~

Ayato: …Ah? Whatcha mean?

Laito: It’s obvious, no? I want to suck Bitch-chan’s blood and feel good~ That’s all.

Laito creeps up on you too.

*Rustle rustle*

Laito: Say…Bitch-chan~? Between me and Shuu, whose fangs do you prefer? Which ones make you feel better~? Tell me…I won’t get upset either way, you know? If you say you prefer Shuu’s, I can still get a kick out of it after all~ Fufufu…~ 

Reiji: Haah…I see. So that’s what this is about. I wouldn’t say this is my cup of tea, but I suppose we simply have no other choice.

Reiji joins in as well. 

Reiji: Well then. Stop paying attention to those two and look my way. …You won’t listen to me? I am offering to tend to you, do you understand? You should prioritize me over anyone. While I would not go as far as to claim that I enjoy indulging in you in front of these guys, but these two should not be the ones capable of bringing you the greatest pleasure.

You writhe around.

Ayato: Tsk…I don’t get it! Look at these guys gettin’ horny all of a sudden! Anyway, stop touchin’ my Chichinashi without permission!

*Rustle rustle*

Ayato: Oi, Chichinashi. Whatcha makin’ that pathetic expression for? …Cut the crap. Did you forget that you’re only ever allowed to feel good when you’re with me? Come on, look my way! …I know your body like the back of my hand. I don’t have to spell it out for you, do I? With these fangs and hands of mine, I’ll make you remember where it feels best for you…

You struggle more, trying to get away from the boys.

Kanato: Ugh…Hold it right there! You’re all just using my toy as you please…And you’re to blame as well! Why don’t you try and fight back a little!? Haah…

Kanato grabs hold of your arm.

Kanato: Seems like you need to learn the hard way…Haha…I’m sure that’s what you want too. That’s why you upset me time after time. You’re enticing me, aren’t you? You want me to hurt you. Without giving you the time to prepare (2), you want me to plunge in my fangs all the way to your nerves, don’t you? And then you want me to aggressively suck your blood, don’t you?

You shiver.

Kanato: Hah!…I don’t mind. I’ll do just that. In return, I won’t allow you to cry out by someone else’s actions. I will kill you in no time.

Subaru: O-Oi, you guys! The fuck you playin’ at!? Aah!? Don’t you dare touch her without my permission!

*Thud*

Subaru: She is mine…!!

*Thud thud*

Shuu: Hah! You say that…But you actually don’t care about her one bit, do you? That’s why you’re staying locked away in your coffin. I’m going to suck the most delicious blood in the world from her nape right now. She belongs to me. I don’t need your permission to do with her as I please.

Laito: Nfu~ I wonder? You may say that, Shuu, but I’m sure Bitch-chan’s heart belongs to me. She wants me to pleasure her to the core, and lose her mind. It’s crystal clear to me~

*Sluuuurp*

Laito: Mmh…

Kanato: Laito! Don’t just lick her! If you do any more, I’ll…!

Reiji: Haah…Laito. Could you not lick her without asking for permission from her owner? It’s displeasing, don’t you think?

Ayato: Aah!? You guys need to stop daydreaming! Try askin’ her directly then! I’m sure she’ll tell you she belongs to me! …Right? You just love it when I dominate you like this, don’t you?

Shuu: Ayato, hands off. I’m about to suck from there.

Ayato: Aah!?

Subaru: Kuh…! You guys think I’m just gonna sit here and do nothin’, so you keep on pullin’ all this shit!

*Thud*

Laito: Nfu~ Oh my, oh my~? Someone seems to be fussing inside his coffin?

*THUD*

Subaru: Haah…!?

Ayato: …! He came out!

Shuu: Hahaha…I knew it. This is exactly why simpletons are so easy to deal with.

Subaru: …Excuse me!? The fuck didya just say!?

Kanato: A simpleton. People with one brain cell. (3)

Subaru: Fuck off! …Anyway, you should fight back a lil’ more as well! Why are you just bendin’ to these jersk’ will, aah!? 

Subaru grabs hold of you.

*Rustle rustle*

Subaru: Haah…! H-Honestly…I don’t really care what those guys do to you but…It’s just…Your blood belongs to me, right? I can’t stand seein’ some other guy run off with my prey! How many times do I have to tell you to be a lil’ more careful…!? This manor is full of wild beasts! Che…! You’ve got their damn scent all over you. Haah…How much did they touch you? Ah, fuck! It pisses me off! Come here! I’ll disinfect yoーー

Reiji: Now’s our chance!

They throw a net on Subaru.

*SWOOSH*

Subaru: Uwah…!? T-The fuck’s this…net…!? Ugh…

Kanato: Hahaha! You’re to blame for getting too caught up in your ‘prey’.

Subaru: Urgh…Fuck! I’ll just cut through this with my knife…!

He tries to cut the net.

Subaru: …!? I can’t cut through!? 

Reiji: Hmph! I figured you would try that, so I used a special net to capture you.

Subaru: Fuck…!! Ugh…! Let me out of here! Let me go!!

*Rustle rustle*

Ayato: As if, idiot! You’ve only got your own stupidity to blame!

Shuu: Well, I’m sure you’re the last person he wants to hear that from. Guess we can just let the Familiars handle the rest. ーー Oi!!

*Flap flap flap*

Shuu: Take Subaru to the Old Man’s place. …Hm? Hold it, Subaru. Let go of her first.

*Rustle*

Shuu: You don’t need to go as well, do you? Or would you rather meet our dad and get send to space together with Subaru? Hahaha…

Subaru: H-Hold up…! I didn’t do anything to deserve bein’ sent to that Old Fart’s place! …Wait, I said! Oi!!

*Smack*

Reiji: Stop making excuses. You should just go and express your remorse.

Subaru: Haah…!? I definitely don’t want to go…! …You fuckin’ jerks…! You better believe I’m killin’ you all the next time we meetーーー!!!

The Familiars take Subaru with them.

*Flap flap flap*

Subaru: Remember thatーー!!!

*Ping*

Reiji: Good grief…I suppose that’s case closed. Honestly, Subaru really causes me trouble time after time. 

Laito: Nfu~ What’s wrong, Bitch-chan?

You ask why Subaru has to be punished.

Laito: Eh? The reason? …You mean why that man is mad at Subaru-kun? Who knows. I don’t know. …Shuu, so what did he do in the end?

Shuu: Aah…I’m pretty sure he broke some valuable decorative piece in the castle. I heard it was shattered into a million pieces and completely beyond repair. 

Reiji: Did they have proof that Subaru was the one who did it?

Shuu: Beats me. But well, I guess he’s about the only one who’d do something like that.

Ayato: …!!

Laito: Ayato-kun? Is something the matter?

Ayato: No…It’s nothing.

Kanato: You seem rather shaken up though?

Ayato: I-I didn’t destroy the statue of a naked woman or anything…!

Reiji: …! Ayato, you truly are…

Ayato: …W-What?

Shuu: …I said it was a decorative piece, but I never said anything about it being the statue of a naked woman, did I?

Kanato: Did you break it, Ayato?

Ayato: …!!

Laito: Nfu…This is bad. If that guy finds out we kept the truth hidden…

Kanato: I don’t want to go to space…!

Reiji: I suppose that leaves us with only one choice. Ayato, you should go visit Father as well.

Ayato: …I-In your dreams! Fuck off!

Ayato tries to make a run for it.

*Rustle*

Shuu: Oi, wait…! Laito, grab hold of him!

*Rustle rustle*

Laito: Ayato-kun…! You have to…take one for the team here…!

Ayato: As if! No way in hell! Take that!

He pushes Laito away.

*Rustle*

Laito: Uwah…!

Ayato: I’m hard passin’ on this!

Ayato flees.

*THUD*

*Clunk*

Shuu: …! He locked himself up in his Iron Maiden…

Reiji: Good grief…Seems like we’re back to square one. (4)

Laito: Even so, we have to send Ayato-kun to that man soon or else…Once Subaru-kun’s innocence is proven, he will immediately send his Familiars our way!

Shuu: If that happens, we’ll find ourselves in space in no time…

Kanato: I-I don’t want that…!

Reiji: Haah…We have no other choice. I suppose we’ll start by trying to lure him out with Takoyaki? 

ーー THE END ーー

Translation notes

(1) Laito uses the proverb 灯台下暗し which literally means ‘it’s darkest right underneath the light’, meaning that you can’t see the things which are right in front of you.

(2) I believe he verb he uses here is 熟する or ‘juku suru’ which usually means ‘o ripen’ or ‘to mature’, but it can also refer to it being the right time (to act). Kanato negates the verb, so I assume he means biting her so strongly, without giving her the proper time to prepare for the pain.

(3) The word 単細胞 or ‘tansaibou’ literally means ‘single cell’. 

(4) Reiji refers to both Subaru & Ayato’s ‘hiding’ strategies as 天岩戸作戦 or ‘awanoiwato sakusen’, which means ‘the ama-no-iwato strategy’. This is actually a reference to one of the stories in the traditional Japanese chronicles, the ‘Kojiki’, in which one of the gods bad behavior leads his sister to withdraw herself in a cave and the other Gods have to try and lure her out again. However, since I assume this reference wouldn’t get across with most of the international fanbase, I used some creative liberties when translating this phrase. 

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